{"id":1234,"date":"2023-02-09T00:08:40","date_gmt":"2023-02-09T00:08:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/linkieforkids.com\/carecremationservice\/first-aid-for-broken-hearts\/"},"modified":"2023-02-09T00:08:40","modified_gmt":"2023-02-09T00:08:40","slug":"first-aid-for-broken-hearts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cremationbycare.com\/es\/first-aid-for-broken-hearts\/","title":{"rendered":"First Aid for Broken Hearts"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHealing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.\u201d \u2014 Tori Amos<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We meet here, on this page, because your heart is broken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re hurting. You\u2019re suffering life\u2019s most painful experience: loss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whatever your loss may be, please know that I am genuinely sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been a grief counselor and educator for a long time now. Doing what I can to offer compassion and hope to people who are grieving is my passion and life\u2019s work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As you well know, your grief is real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hope this article helps you honor your unique grief and begin to understand how to mend your heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does mending seem impossible to you right now? If so, that\u2019s OK. You are where you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet I assure you that not only is mending possible, it can transform you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brokenheartedness<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life is both wonderful and devastating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It graces us with joy, and it breaks our hearts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why are our hearts so breakable? Because human hearts are made to grow attached.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we\u2019re lucky, that is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we\u2019re lucky, we love. If we\u2019re fortunate, we become attached.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our loves and attachments are what give our fleeting, challenging lives meaning and joy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But\u2014and this may be the biggest Catch-22 in all of human existence!\u2014there\u2019s an unavoidable flipside to the joy of connection: Whenever our loves and attachments are threatened, torn, or broken, our hearts begin to break. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we love someone and they die, our hearts break.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we love someone and we become separated from them, our hearts break.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we love someone and they get seriously sick, our hearts break.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we are powerfully attached to a place or a home, a career or a situation, that we must transition away from, our hearts break.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the course of our decades of life, that\u2019s an awful lot of brokenheartedness for each of us to bear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Degrees of brokenness<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How badly our hearts break each time we lose something is generally a measure of two things: the strength of the attachment bond, and the severity of the threat to the bond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, brokenheartedness can\u2019t actually be quantified. As with all emotional and spiritual experiences, there is no objective unit of measure. We can\u2019t weigh it on a scale or wrap it with a measuring tape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet even though we can\u2019t assign our brokenheartedness a precise number, we instinctively know how broken we feel inside. Those of us who\u2019ve been on this earth for a while know that sometimes our hearts sustain more damage than at other times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some losses hurt just a twinge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some losses are painful but manageable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And some losses knock us to the ground and rip our hearts from our chests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If your loss was especially damaging and perhaps recent, you may even be wondering if you\u2019ll survive. As my friend and colleague Earl Grollman once said, \u201cThe worst grief is the one you are going through right now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet no matter how badly broken your heart is at this moment, your heart can mend. That is my promise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life is change<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love and attachment are indeed wonderful, but the circumstances of life are impermanent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No matter how devotedly we love and try to safeguard our attachments, the globe spins. The years pass. And things change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People get sick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pets too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People betray us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We betray ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Passions ebb and flow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fortunes rise and fall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And no matter what happens, the world just keeps turning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life is like a river. We are floating down a river that twists and turns. We can never see very far ahead. Sometimes the going is smooth; sometimes the rapids are rocky and dangerous. And sometimes a waterfall plunges us over the edge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life is constant change, which means the circumstances in which we love and are attached are also constantly changing. No matter how hard we try to manage risk and control our destinies, things inevitably happen that turn our lives upside-down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anytime we gain something new, we give something else up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes we choose the things or people to give up. Other times they\u2019re torn away from us against our will. Either way, we\u2019re bound to suffer loss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The longer we live, the more the losses pile up. It\u2019s unavoidable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unless we don\u2019t love or grow attached at all, of course. But what kind of life would that be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The wound of loss<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone or something we love leaves or is taken away from us, our hearts break.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since your loss, maybe you\u2019ve felt as if your heart has been torn down the middle. That\u2019s what loss often feels like. A wrenching, ragged tear. A gaping wound.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It hurts. It throbs. It aches. It bleeds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a very real sense, you\u2019ve been wounded by loss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have sustained an injury. But\u2014and this is also important!\u2014you are not ill. Grief is not a disease or sickness. It is also not a disorder. There is nothing intrinsically \u201cwrong\u201d with you. Instead, something from the outside has impacted you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are wounded, not ill. You are injured, not sick. You are broken, not diseased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heartbreakers<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Human hearts break for many reasons. All are real, valid, and painful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n